Laws of ultimate reality

This again happens to be a forward mail worth sharing…

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

& Law of Gravity
Any pill, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

& Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

& Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

& Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

& Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time)

& Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

& Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

& Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

& Law of Bio mechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

& Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

& The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

& Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

& Murphy’s Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

& Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

& Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

& Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

& Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

& Wilson ‘s Law of Commercial Marketing
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

& Doctors’ Law
If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor.  By the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.

Gambling Law

Have you ever thought that when you buy Life Insurance, you are betting with the Insurance Co (Bookie) that you are going to die ! The good part is that you’re betting on an absolute certainty. The bad part is that you don’t get to collect your winnings. This is when life really sucks!.

 

 

 

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Lessons only a mom can teach

I received this as a forward mail and i found it worth sharing. Everyone can associate with it since this transends borders and cultures!!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
‘If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.’

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
‘You better pray that will come out of the carpet.’

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
‘If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!’

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
‘ Because I said so, that’s why.’

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
‘If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.’

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
‘Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.’

7. My mother taught me IRONY
‘Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.’

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
‘Shut your mouth and eat your supper.’

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
‘Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!’

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .
‘You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.’

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
‘This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.’

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
‘If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!’

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
‘I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.’

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
‘Stop acting like your father!’

15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
‘There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.’

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
‘Just wait until we get home.’

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
‘You are going to get it when you get home!’

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
‘If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.’

19. My mother taught me ESP.
‘Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?’

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
‘When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.’

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
‘If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.’

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
‘You’re just like your father.’

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
‘Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?’

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
‘When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.’

25. And the best for last: My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
‘One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you’

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Indian Mother-In-Law

A young Indian man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that
he is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring
over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother
agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them
down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, “Okay Ma, guess
which one I’m going to marry.” She immediately replies, “The one on the
right.”

“That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?”

The Indian mother replies, “I don’t like her.”

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Driving (me) Nuts

Driving on Indian roads can be such a harrowing experience. One wonders if one is driving with a hoard of animals or people in civilized part of the world! I generally do not appreciate people who are abusive in their language but the driving on Indian roads brings out the worst in me! I use the curse words liberally.  What all you are likely to experience on Indian roads: (this holds true for any city/town in our country and is applicable to educated and uneducated folks)

  • Drivers having parked at the turning of a road (so he/she can pick up/buy something from the shop near by)
  • Drivers talking over the phone and driving at snail speed in the middle of the road and no matter how hard you keep honking they will turn a deaf ear on you (bugs me to no end)
  • The driver stopping right in the middle of the road asking for directions!! (can you beat this one!!)
  • Driver suddenly swerving the vehicle to turn left or right without giving indicator
  • Driver coming up the opposite lane driving with their lights on ‘high’ beam during night
  • People will keep waiting at the Red Light which has a waiting for time of 40 seconds but when 10 seconds are left for the light to turn green, they will suddenly start moving!!
  • Traffic will keep moving despite the Green Light having turned Red. The ones with a Green Signal have to jostle with them to start moving ahead.
  • Some drivers keep their car on the left or right side of the traffic at the red light, where as they have to go in an opposite direction, thereby disrupting the whole traffic.
  • If a left or right turning is a ‘free turning’ you will be seldom able to avail it coz it is invariably blocked by the traffic which intends to go straight ahead, leaving you waiting up with them and wasting ones’ precious time (but in our nation time has never been a precious commodity)
  • Two wheeler drivers going zig zag- zig zag leaving you wondering which way he actually means to go!
  • People honking away to glory even when it is evident that there is a traffic jam and there is no place to move ahead!
  • People joining-in on the main traffic road will suddenly enter the road, out of the blues (from the by-lanes) at sputnik speeds, barely allowing you the time to pull the brake. He/she will happily zoom away leaving you fuming or cursing!!
  • Even if the road is narrow, some drivers don’t hesitate to park their car right on the road to fetch something from the road side vendor
  • People having parked their vehicle behind your vehicle (which is rightfully parked in the parking lot) and then doing a Houdini!! (Now you keep hunting endlessly for that driver before you can take out your vehicle from the parking lot)
  • Even the pedestrians are no less! They will not look left or right and cross the road (jisko dekhna hai dekh le, hum toh “nikal pade hain khuli sadak par, apna seena taane”)and that too talking on their mobile.

My suggestion to this is, the formation of a Slap Squad which will, besides handing out the ticket to erring drivers, provide a hearty and sound slap. But taking into account the reputation of our police force, our police-walas will be a Slap Happy Squad!!

All said, yet the credit goes to all the drivers since the number of accidents on our roads are not as much as they possibility should be and this is what makes Mera Bhaarat Mahaan!!

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No Bugging Now!!

Looks like I have finally managed to get rid of bed bugs in my house!! Or so I hope

Well, to begin with, it all started when we shifted to our newly purchased house in Mumbai. I was just beginning to enjoy the wonderful feeling of living in my own house and was still busy doing it up when both, my daughter and I, started having what we thought were mosquito bites (donno why my husband was spared…I wondered if the bugs were males!!). But they itched relentlessly!! We thought of it perhaps as some sort of an allergy. Then one night we discovered 2-3 insects crawling on our bed. Never thought of them as bed bugs coz it was the first time that i had ever seen them. Later when I showed one (which i had killed) to my maid, she said it was bed bug. Bed bugs in my new house!!???! Impossible!!

Not knowing what having bed bugs in the house meant, I quickly ran a search on the Google and there it was – the images, an exact match!! To my horror I learnt that it is one hell of a task to drive them out of the house since they have the capability to hide in any and every nook and corner of the bed/ furniture/ behind photo frames or any imaginable place in the house.

Not to be disheartened, I quickly sought professional help from the Godrej Pest Control. I signed a contract (had to shell out approx. Rs. 2600) with them which assured me of complete wipe out of the bed bug menace post three services.  A representative of the company visited us for the first service and told us that the bugs were very few in numbers and the possibility was that they would be able to wipe them out after the first service itself. What more could I ask for!! That sounded music to my ears!! Along with that, the fellow told me in a very brusque manner that they appear and flourish where the environment is not clean… Not clean? He must be out of his mind. I am cleanliness freak!! How come it was happening in my house? On being told that my house had undergone renovation work before I shifted in, he suggested that perhaps it were the labourers who were the carriers.  But it didn’t matter, how the bugs appeared, for me the only focus was to get rid of them.

The task post the service was mammoth – emptying all my box beds, washing all the linen, putting out mattresses, pillows and all clothes out in the sun and then putting everything back again. But after the assurance that it was THE end of the bugs, I consoled myself.

The following night I sighted bugs and could not believe my eyes. I called the pest control guy at 10:30 at night. He assured me that by the next morning the medicine would have taken its time and then there will be no bugs. But the bugs persisted despite two more services that the company gave me and I wondered if I had been taken in for a ride.

Now, I was going nuts with all the smell of the medicine, emptying the stuff from the box beds, washing the linen, etc and not to mention the bugs sucking on our blood day in day out. I got so psyched that I started sleeping with the lights of my bedroom on during night (one of the sites I read had mentioned that bed bugs have aversion to light). I was at the end of my wits!! I was starting to wonder if buying this house was a big mistake.

My husband (unable to sleep at night with the lights on!!) called up the customer care guys at Godrej and gave them a piece of his mind – left, right and centre. He demanded why despite their guarantee of 100% success rate in wiping out the bugs, they were having a jolly good time in my house.

The company provided me two more services (free of cost of course) and the guy who came this time, told me that the previous character who was coming over for the service had not killed the eggs hence the problem was not getting solved!! This guy unscrewed the box beds, injected the kerosene oil in each and every crevice/ corner and killed all the eggs. He also told me that the problem of bed bugs was rampant in our locality and also localities around us. One celebrity, who used to stay near our locality, had to vacate his apartment since the problem became so huge that the bugs were all over the place. I shuddered at the thought of the same happening to me!!

Even after those two services I spotted bugs which I killed with the medicine which the company guy had left with me. It took us nearly 6 months to get rid of the bed bug menace and ever since I have kept my fingers tightly crossed!! I am in no mood to go through the whole grind again

After this experience I feel that I am now an authority on the subject!! So, here is my advice to those facing similar problem:

  • Seek professional help as soon as you spot a bed bug
  • It is likely that seeking help from a reputed company will ensure that it will not wash off its hands as easily (in case of failure to finish the menace in the stipulated three services)
  • Ensure that the person who comes for the service sprays each and every nook and corner
  • Ensure that he checks for bed bug eggs (they are too small and nondescript for an untrained eye)
  • Wash the linen and other clothes (such as your night suits, etc) in hot water.
  • Put out clothes and mattresses in sun whenever possible.
  • Apply furniture wax to any rough edges or areas in/on the furniture or any holes or crevices.
  • When you spot a bed bug, DON’T kill it since the smell attracts more bugs. Simply put them in a container of water till it dies.
  • Check for crevices in the mattress also besides the furniture and other stuff and ensure that bugs are not hiding there

Now keep your fingers crossed and hope that you don’t ever become a casualty!!!!

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Hum Dono

Had nothing much to do on Saturday evening so went to watch the coloured version of the old movie ‘Hum Dono’ starring Dev Anand (in double role) yesterday with hubby and daughter.  The name Dev Anand elicits the word romance in my mind. I had earlier watched the movie as a kid but it was now that i noticed that Dev Anand is an actor of a dismal calibre!! (sorry to all Dev Anand fans).

He majorly overacted as ‘Major Verma’ though he did rise to the occasion momentarily in the climax scenes. Perhaps more than his acting skills it was his persona besides calibre as a director which contributed to his success. Though he does deserve to be given credit, in being able to achieve success (despite being a pathetic actor), in a time when he was pitted against excellent actors such as Dilip Kumar, Rajendra Kumar, Ashok Kumar, etc. But perhaps it was the different genre (and his image as a romantic hero) which he belonged to that may have lead to him being successful despite the presence of such powerful performers. I wonder how he would have fared competing with the current generation of actors.

The only saving grace for me vis-à-vis this movie were the melodious and lovely songs. The lyrics, beautifully written by Sahir Ludhianvi – like a beautiful pieces of precious and scarce jewels.

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Hi! What better day to start blogging than on the day of my arrival in this world!!! U will be hearing more from me soon…

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