The First Time

“EXCUSE ME AUNTY”!! The words stung like a bee; hit like a tonne of bricks; pierced like a bullet!! Oh! actually the feeling is hard to explain. My fragile youthful ego had taken a major blow and it was badly bruised. The reaction was – first of disbelief, then anger and then helplessness at being unable to do anything about it!!

Actually it was the first time for me that someone was addressing me, yes ME! the young 20-something ME, an Aunty?!?!? This was blasphemous! How dare he!?? What the hell?!! This person has to be insane to call me an aunty!!!!! He is probably out of his mind or needs an immediate eye check-up! Can’t he see my slim  and youthful looks, I definitely don’t qualify to be tagged an ‘Aunty’!! Ridiculous!!

(No grudges against the Aunty community – non, whatsoever – but it somehow elicits in my mind the stereotypical image of an Indian Aunty – overweight, well-oiled hair, loud, brash, intrusive, and old-fashioned and i don’t fit into any of this)

It was actually he who looked like an Uncle!! (Now am I being cheeky? On second thoughts, he probably deserves this!!) May be it was his tactic to make me feel miserable which is what he probably himself felt and experienced daily. He had a paunch, looked like he must have fathered at least two kids and he had the cheek to call me aunty!! I was going mad over his words. But I pretended not to have heard him but when he again called out, louder this time – ‘AUNTY’, I swallowed my pride and looked around me to drive home the point to him and then looked at him. ‘What is the time?’ I felt like telling him that time is really bad for you coz your bad time is about to begin. I felt like boxing his face.

To make matters worse, my hubby, who was along with me, had this very amused and funny expression on his face (he was trying to stifle a laugh). The moment the man left that place, he was rolling with laughter. He started aping the man’s words and teased me to no end!! By now I was livid but in my anger words fail me!!

Just a day back I was ‘DIDI’ and a few hours into marriage and I was ‘AUNTY’. Absolutely unfair!! The reason why I qualified to be called an Aunty by the fellow was that now I was a married woman!! And in India, the day you get married, wear the vermillion in your hair; sport the mangalsutra around your neck and sari as your attire you automatically get escalated to the level of the jagat aunty i.e. universal aunty. You are every Tom Dick and Harry’s aunty!!

Even after ten years down the married life and with an eight year old daughter, I am still not comfortable with the tag of Aunty bestowed upon me. I cringe inside when 10th graders, who are more than double my proportions and who actually fit the bill to be called an Aunty themselves, address me Aunty as they greet me. I find it so unjustified!! And how much I may want to disown this tag and dislike being called an Aunty, it seems to have become the master status of my identity.

Every time someone addresses me an Aunty, my husband gets cheap thrills out of it which bugs me even more…ggrrrrr… But now I have, sort of, started the process of trying to make peace with this label which has been assigned to me and which, I know, I can never shake off ever.

Currently, hubby and I look for opportunity to outwit each other, actually you can call it one-man-up ship. We keep a tab of how many times each one of us got addressed as Aunty or Didi and Uncle or Bhaiya. The moment a street or kiosk vendor spells out the word ‘Aunty!’ for me (I fail to fathom why in the world they have to address all married women Aunty even though they themselves are middle-aged grandfathers), my hubby knows that the fellow just lost out his potential customer because he just addressed me an Aunty!! This has become our favourite past time of sorts (to have a laugh at the other’s expense) or rather a defence mechanism if you wish to call it that!!

Though, I should compromise with the fact that now I am inching towards 40s and teenagers are apparently justified in calling me an Aunty but what to do – ‘Dil Toh Bacha Hai Ji’!!!

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Tears

TEARS… The mere sight of them or the mere mention of them makes men develop cold feet!! What is it with men and tears? They can neither handle them nor shed them; for tears is considered to be a sign of weakness in most cultures and men crying tears are just not macho or ‘manly’, not to forget the fear of being tagged ‘sissy’ – thanks to their socialization.

Tears are so versatile!! They surface when we feel overwhelmed or experience a heightened sense of happiness or joy; they help alleviate pain when our heart aches with sorrow/pain/hurt; they help take care of our heart and lower our blood pressure when our anger/frustrations burst out in form of tears; they grant solace when we feel helpless by providing a catharsis.

But somehow the tears have not been given the honour they deserve in the exhibition of emotions. In my view, tears are the most pure form of emotion- genuine (mostly) and spontaneous and so liberating. (Though there is a breed which has mastered the art of ‘crocodile tears’ and their hydraulic system really works as per their whims and fancies!! That itself is an art but more on that later) Although, I believe they should be used sparsely in public/workplace and also with people who have no respect for your feelings/emotions or have the astuteness to understand/appreciate your situations in life. I am also not too appreciative of those who shed tears to get their way around.

On a lighter note dealing with tears can help men get a grip on the handle and tackle issues such as – what to do when wife/girlfriend cries and thereby gets her way around; what to do when their Mom cries and uses it as a powerful tool to get HER way around, etc (any more ideas somebody? Since I could not use this tool to its full potential I am falling short of ideas!! In 10 years of my married life I could never used this tool ever with hubby to get around things my way!!!! Makes me feel like a loser now!!)

Understand the dynamics of tears…feel it…experience it… liberate your self…feel healed.

Guys you really don’t know what you are missing out on

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According to India’s telecom regulator (TRAI) about 1.71 million mobile users have opted to switch operators while retaining their numbers by Feb. 5, following the launch of mobile number portability (MNP) in the world’s fastest-growing mobile market.

Perhaps the grass always seems the greener on the other side of the fence. So many people switching over in such short span is quite phenomenal!! What needs to be seen is who benefits the most (the answer obviously is – the companies, but which ones get washed out, will be interesting to watch…)

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Height of Innocence

These are anecdotes which apparently people shared perhaps on the net but i received it as a mail from a friend. I found myself laughing while i was reading this…so, here I am spreading the laughter across…

NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’

OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.’

KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’

MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’

POLICE

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, ‘Are you a cop? Yes,’ I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?’ ‘Yes, that’s right,’ I told her. ‘Well, then,’ she said as she extended her foot toward me, ‘would you please tie my shoe?’

ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by t he various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’

DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, ‘Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.’

‘And why not, darling?’

‘You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.’

DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.

The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: ‘Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes.’

SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’

BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

‘Mama, look what I found,’ the boy called out.

‘What have you got there, dear?’

With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, ‘I think it’s Adam’s underwear!’

 

Posted in A Few Good Chuckles | 1 Comment

Story of Evolution

A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race come about?”

The Mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve; they had children and, so all mankind was made.”
A few days later, the little girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them.”
The confused girl returns to her mother and says, “Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Papa says we developed from monkeys?”

The mother answers, “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about origin of my side of the family and your father told you about his side.”
 

Posted in Married Life Jokes | 1 Comment

Cheeky One ;-)

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her
that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they
requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man’s new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty! One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was
overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, ‘Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you? ‘My darling,’ she replied,
‘I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.’

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Poems, truly from the heart!!

WIFE:

I wrote your name on sand it got washed,
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away,
Then I wrote your name on my heart,
And I got Heart Attack.

HUSBAND:
God saw me hungry, he created pizza,
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi,
He saw me in dark, he created light,
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

WIFE:
Twinkle twinkle little star,
You should know what you are,
And once you know what you are,
Mental hospital is not so far.

HUSBAND:
The rain makes all things beautiful,
The grass and flowers too,
If rain makes all things beautiful,
Why doesn’t it rain on you?

WIFE:
Roses are red; Violets are blue,
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo,
Don’t feel so angry you will find me there too,
Not in cage but laughing at you

[ Wife Always Has A Final Say]

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